It’s always awful losing someone close to you, but sadly this experience has become all the more common since the COVID-19 pandemic.
We’ve all become a little too comfortable with hearing about a friend or family member losing someone they love, but we can never fully understand it until it happens to us.
The five stages of grief can not only help us understand what someone is going through, but also prepare us should we ever experience loss ourselves.
What are the five stages of grief?
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
The structure of the five stages helps demonstrate the types of moments or emotions that someone might go through as they process a traumatic moment of grief. While the stages can be linear, it’s often possible that they’re experienced in a different order, together or even not at all.
Where did the concept come from?
The five stages of grief were pioneered by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, and rose to fame after the release of her book “On Death and Dying”, published in 1969. The five stages of grief were modelled on terminally ill patients who were coming to terms with their own impending death. It was later adopted as a general model for anyone experiencing a loss.
How does each stage work?
- Denial
Generally regarded as the first stage of grief, denial is usually typified by the person in question pretending the traumatic event didn’t happen at all.
This state is to prevent the person from suffering, as the body and brain helps protect them from the trauma of losing a loved one.
Unfortunately, the end of the denial stage can be very traumatic as not only do the emotions of your loss rise to the surfac, but feelings of guilt around denying it too. - Anger
As denial can effectively protect the person who has suffered the loss for a period of time, as that fades, anger begins to take its place.
While previously there was simply no consideration that the event happened, during the anger phase the person suffering will effectively cover the emotions rising to the surface by masking them with anger.
This anger is generally vented out at others or even the person who has passed. Not everyone will experience this stage but those who do aren’t doing so maliciously as their logical mindset is being overridden by emotions. - Bargaining
Stage three is known as bargaining and is generally associated with a way for the person suffering to try to regain some control over the situation.
By trying to bargain or make deals with themselves, others, or even their religious deity, they’re able to postpone the effects of grief. - Depression
The fourth stage is quite different from the three before it. Previously the person suffering from loss has been actively – whether consciously or subconsciously – working to postpone the emotions of grief. Depression, however, can be interpreted as a quiet, inactive phase.
Someone in this stage will almost withdraw, preferring to spend time alone and generally aiming to deal with the emotions of grief in private.
While this stage might seem the natural end point for grieving the loss of someone, it can be very dangerous if someone were to get stuck in this phase. The long-term implications of depression can be very harmful if left untreated. - Acceptance
The final stage of the grieving process isn’t necessarily a happy one, but rather the point where the loss has been accepted for what it is. Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re able to move on or are happy again, but rather the moment of understanding of what it means in your life.
This moment is pivotal to moving forward and progressing after coming to terms with your loss.
Is this the only way grief works?
No, each person experiences grief in different ways. We all experience trauma differently, whether it’s a physical, mental, or emotional event, we all cope with it in our own way and can experience varying degrees of PTSD or other outcomes because of it.
If you’ve been through any form of loss or traumatic event, and are a GetSavvi Health member, please know that you have access to the Member Wellness Programme where you can speak to a trained counsellor. All calls are confidential and the counselling private. Contact us on 0861 18 92 02 and follow the voice prompts or email talktous@getsavvi.co.za if you need help to cope.
References:
Understanding the five stages of grief
Healing the Five Areas of Grief
The 5 stages of grief
The Five Stages of Grief
Mourning and the 5 Stages of Grief
The Five Stages of Grief
The 5 Stages of Grief After a Loss